Manual Paper Shredder

So you might be asking yourself, what's the use of having a manual paper shredder when you could have an automatic one?  Good question, Flash!  There are actually a number of uses for having a manual paper shredder, many of which make sense!  So here are some of them:  Manual paper shredders, for use in a corporate sense, are more or less worthless, simply because they can not shred with speed.  Their greatest perk is that if you are shredding paper with a manual paper shredder, it is more or less silent, meaning, if you have a hand that can turn a lever fast, you will be able to shred a lot more papers before the feds break into your darkened office and cuff you over your desk as you soil yourself and are taken off to the brig.

The silence is a nice touch, especially for people who are grated by loud mechanical noises.  Of all the noises in the world, experts agree that a manual paper shredder is one of them.  Basically, the relative silence of the slow turning of a lever and the quiet severing of the paper from it's bonds with the tree fibers reminds you of a quaint Amish paper shredder, back when old Uncle Elias was shredding his journal documentation of carnal relations with a butter churn.  O! The horror!  This is, indeed, one of the better perks of having a manual shredder.  The best, however, is yet to come. 

The Biggest Perk of Using a Manual Paper Shredder:  Total Annihilation

So here's the biggest perk of using a manual paper shredder:  No more worrying about tiny little pieces of a manual paper shredder being formed back together into a coherent document.  No more worrying about a dogged police officer hell-bent on piecing back together the thousands of little pieces of your automatic paper shredder.  With a manual paper shredder, you can make your incriminating documents into pulp.  That's right:  Pulp.  You can grind it back down to it's original substance, like the time I was shooting spitballs at a girl during indoor-recess and Mr. Hiroki told me that I could eat the paper or have a week's worth of detentions, so I ate the paper and it was bad, but he was so shocked that I didn't have to do the detentions and then I was happy again.  But yeah.  Like that.  Basically, there's no way to piece pulp back together, because with the manual paper shredder, you often are actually changing the chemical properties of the paper you are working with.  To make it into true pulp, you can put water into the manual paper shredder and continue to mash it until it is only tiny organic fibers of wood again.  It will all be one big mass of pulp. 

Which is really the main appeal to the manual paper shredder:  it's best used by people who are looking to become amateur paper makers themselves but would prefer not to go out and by the material required to make original paper.  This is basically like personal recycling, which I think is kind of cool.  Basically, what you do is grind it up and then make it into paper.  I wish I could tell you more, but that's all I really know about how to make paper.  I know that you use that pulp and then put it on a grate that seeps out the water and that you press it down flat, and then it dries into paper, which you can then write on, draw on, or roll up around tobacco and smoke it like a cigarette.  Actually, I guess technically it is a cigarette. Not the point.  This site is promoting manual paper shredder technology, not cigarettes.  Cigarettes are bad for you.  You should know that by now, you sinner.  Don't smoke cigarettes, or you're going to get the smoke in your lungs and the sadness in your heart.  Also, you could get deep vein thrombosis.  Watch out for that Deep Vein Thrombosis, also known as DVT, which is when a clot in your legs or other deep vein gets big enough where it could potentially become dislodged and cause a pulmonary embolism.  All because you wanted to make cigarettes with your manual paper shredder.  That's not the way to shred paper.

You can also get manual paper shredders just because you like the way they look.  If you have a country-home theme, it makes more sense to get this than it does to get automatic paper shredders.  In a corporate setting, however, we tend to think it's a little bit ridiculous to have a manual paper shredder, just because it seems like a bit of cruelty directed at your secretary. Really.  Be nice, man.  Do work, son.

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